Oh, look who’s back!
The man with the tan and the fantasy facts—
Standing at the podium like it’s amateur hour at the Gaslight Lounge.
Y’all remember Trump?
Still allergic to truth,
Still treating the presidency like a one-man improv show,
And baby, the only script he follows?
Straight from “The Big Book of Bullsh*t.”

Let us break it down—
‘Cause the lies this term?
They are not just bold.
They are neon-lit, confetti-cannon,
“I-dare-you-to-google-it” levels of delusional.

---

Lie number one:
“If you do not pass my Big, Beautiful Bill, taxes go up 68%.”
SIXTY. EIGHT.
Percent?
Sir…
That is not policy.
That is a haunted house coupon.
Do not threaten me with Monopoly math!
There is more fiction in that number than a Hallmark Christmas special—
And just as whitewashed.

---

Lie number two:
“Illegal border crossings are the lowest EVER. Ever!”
EVER?
Not even close.
More people crossed in February 1961?
Yeah, back when Elvis still had hips and Trump still had a draft deferment.
Facts? Nah.
Trump just throws darts at a wall full of numbers and hopes one sticks.
Spoiler: they do not.
But you know what sticks?
Fear.
Fear sells better than truth.
Fear sells better than facts.
Fear is the MAGA merch of rhetoric.
Red, loud, overpriced, and made in China.

---

Lie number three:
“21 million people came in—murderers, gangsters, human traffickers!”
Okay, hold up.
21 million?
Trump, buddy, you are doubling numbers like we are baking fascist fruitcake.
CBP says it is more like 10.8 million ENCOUNTERS.
That means arrests.
Not 21 million boogeymen in a parade of machetes and MS-13 hoodies.

And guess what?
Studies show undocumented immigrants commit fewer crimes.
But hey—what is data
when you can just toss racialized rage into a blender
and serve it up with a side of “We need a wall”?

---

Lie number four:
“There are 3.47 million people aged 120–129 on Social Security.”
Sir.
SIR.
Are we counting dinosaurs now?
Methuselah called—he wants his check back.
In real life, there are about 44,000 centenarians collecting Social Security.
Not three million immortals aging gracefully in a Florida retirement bunker.

This is not fraud.
This is your death record system running on Windows 98.
But yeah—let us blame the elders,
because blaming the poor is just not spicy enough this season.

---

Lie number five:
“DOGE found hundreds of billions in fraud!”
DOGE?
You mean that Elon Musk-fueled fever dream of a government agency
with the same name as a meme coin?
DOGE found $8.86 billion in cuts.
Not hundreds.
Not billions.
Just a very respectable drop in the trillion-dollar bucket.
Trump rounded that number up like a toddler with no concept of math.
“Daddy, I caught a fish this big!”
No, sweetie. That was a goldfish. Let it go.

---

This is not just lying.
This is myth-making.
This is fire-breathing, flag-waving,
“Tell me sweet little nothings while democracy burns” level of deception.

It is easier to scream “FAKE NEWS!”
than admit your policies are dryer than a saltine in a sandstorm.
It is easier to scare voters with zombie Social Security fraud
than fund actual infrastructure.
It is easier to shout “INVASION!”
than admit your own humanity is missing in action.

But we see you, Don.
We see the playbook.
It is dog-eared, grease-stained,
and scrawled in Sharpie over the Constitution.
Again.

---

You cannot govern from a podium of punchlines.
You cannot lead when your compass is a weathervane in a tornado.
You cannot fix what you refuse to name—
Because truth, like democracy,
Is not a buffet where you skip the vegetables and double up on delusion.

So here is the deal:

We are done playing along.
We are not fact-checking for free.
We are not clapping for gasps and slogans.
We are registering. Voting. Marching.
We are telling jokes and truths in the same breath
Because both have power.

And if your empire runs on lies?

Well, Don, may your dynasty go the way of the Trump steaks.

Tough. Overpriced.
And expired.