Stigma Isn’t a Scar—It’s a System
Stigma is one of the most insidious forces in our world.
It doesn’t break bones or leave bruises, but it absolutely wounds.
It isolates, excludes, labels, and shames.
And far too often, it’s invisible to everyone except the person it’s crushing.
We toss the word around casually: mental health stigma, disability stigma, addiction stigma, justice-involved stigma.
But let’s be clear—stigma is not just a word.
It’s a wall.
It separates people from opportunity, community, healing, and in many cases, from their very sense of self.
Stigma doesn’t fade with time. It fades with empathy.
And that’s where becoming begins.
The Birth of becoming: A Story Made from Fractures
I created becoming not because I had all the answers—but because I finally stopped pretending I wasn’t hurting.
For years, I lived with more labels than names.
I stuttered as a kid.
Came out at 13 in a world that wasn’t ready.
Loved music in ways boys “weren’t supposed to.”
Navigated addiction, incarceration, and the mental health system.
And at 47, I lost my right arm—and gained yet another stigma: “disabled.”
Each phase of my life added new stigma—new silence.
But every time I was shown empathy, something shifted.
Not because empathy erased my pain—but because it reminded me I was worth more than it.
That’s why becoming isn’t just a blog series.
It’s a refusal.
A rebellion.
A movement toward what happens when shame is replaced with story—and fear is replaced with connection.
Understanding Stigma: Not Just a Feeling, But a Force
According to the American Psychological Association, stigma is defined as “a set of negative beliefs. A group or society holds these beliefs about a topic or group of people.”
But that definition doesn’t go far enough.
Because stigma doesn’t just live in beliefs—it lives in policy, in language, in silence.
As sociologist Erving Goffman put it in his seminal work Stigma: Notes on the Management of Spoiled Identity:
“Stigma is a process by which the reaction of others spoils normal identity.”
Stigma doesn’t need to be screamed to be real.
It whispers through avoided eye contact, biased hiring decisions, inaccessible spaces, and unchecked assumptions.
It shows up when a formerly incarcerated person is called “a felon” instead of “a person.”
When a trauma survivor is labeled “too intense.”
When someone in recovery is treated as perpetually on the edge of relapse.
The most dangerous thing about stigma is that it dehumanizes without confrontation.
And that’s what makes empathy so powerful—it puts the human back in the frame.
Empathy: The Most Radical Tool We Have
Empathy has been called soft.
But let me be clear: empathy is fierce.
It is not about rescue. It is not about fixing.
It is about standing eye-to-eye with someone and choosing not to look away.
As renowned researcher and storyteller Dr. Brené Brown says:
“Empathy has no script. There is no right way or wrong way to do it. It’s simply listening, holding space, withholding judgment, emotionally connecting, and communicating that incredibly healing message of ‘you’re not alone.’”
Empathy dismantles stigma in ways that policy and press releases can’t.
It works on the micro level—the level of the heart.
It shifts the energy in a room. It loosens the grip of shame.
Empathy doesn’t require shared identity.
It requires shared humanity.
It says, “I won’t speak for your pain, but I will not leave you to carry it alone.”
When Empathy Enters, Stigma Has to Exit
The opposite of stigma isn’t tolerance.
It’s belonging.
And you cannot belong where you are not seen.
You cannot heal where you are only halfway welcomed.
That’s why becoming lives at the intersection of storytelling and empathy.
Because when someone tells their story, and they’re met with validation instead of correction—that’s when stigma loses its grip.
Dr. Patrick Corrigan, a clinical psychologist and one of the foremost experts on mental health stigma, puts it this way:
“The most effective way to challenge stigma is through contact with people who live with mental illness. They are willing to share their stories. These interactions can change attitudes far more than facts alone.”
My Journey: What Empathy Looked Like in Real Life
When I was 19 and in jail, it wasn’t the system that kept me sane.
It was a volunteer who came in, looked me in the eyes, and said,
“You are more than this moment. I see you.”
That changed something. Not overnight. Not cleanly.
But it planted something I hadn’t felt in a long time—worth.
When I was in treatment for opioid addiction and was told by someone,
“I believe you want to live,”
I held onto that belief long after I had stopped believing it myself.
When I became visibly disabled, and someone said,
“You’re still powerful,”
instead of, “You poor thing,”—that was empathy.
Not pity. Not sympathy.
Empathy. The difference is life-altering.
What We Must Unlearn to Create Space for Empathy
To make empathy possible, we need to let go of a few things:
- Let go of certainty. Empathy doesn’t require that you understand it all. It requires that you stay present anyway.
- Let go of saviorism. You’re not there to fix someone. You’re there to make space for their truth.
- Let go of labels. When we define people by the worst thing that happened to them, we strip them of their humanity. When we define them by the worst thing they’ve done, we strip them of their humanity.
- Let go of silence. Speak. Ask. Witness. Words don’t need to be perfect to be healing.
What You Can Do Today to Break the Cycle of Stigma
You don’t need a title or a degree to create change.
You just need the willingness to connect.
Start here:
✅ Ask better questions.
Try “What do you want me to understand about this?” instead of “What’s wrong with you?”
✅ Challenge stigma in real time.
Whether it’s a harmful joke or an inaccurate assumption—call it out.
✅ Center lived experience.
Elevate voices that aren’t typically heard. Don’t speak about people. Hand them the mic.
✅ Model vulnerability.
When you share your story, you give others permission to share theirs.
✅ Follow movements like becoming.
Join conversations that center healing, humanity, and honest connection.
Empathy Isn’t Just a Feeling—It’s a Framework for Change
In becoming, empathy is more than a concept—it’s the tool we reach for every time stigma tries to silence us.
It’s what lets someone show up as they are—messy, healing, whole-in-progress—and still be seen as worthy.
Empathy is what reminds us:
We are not burdens.
We are not broken.
We are becoming.
The Movement Is Just Beginning
I created becoming because I was tired of pretending.
Tired of being pitied.
Tired of being palatable.
I wanted a space where people could speak without shame.
Where truth wasn’t punished.
Where difference wasn’t diluted to make others comfortable.
becoming is that space.
And empathy is what holds it open.
If you’ve ever felt like you had to shrink to fit in—this series is for you.
If you’ve ever been labeled, silenced, or shamed—this series is for you.
If you believe that healing begins with being seen—this series is for you.
We don’t have to carry stigma forward.
We can interrupt it.
Together.
🗣️ Let’s Connect:
💬 Have you ever experienced stigma firsthand?
💬 What did empathy look like when you needed it most?
Drop a comment. Start a conversation.
Or just say, “I’ve felt that too.”
🟣 Read the full becoming series:
👉🏽 https://jtwb768.com/2025/03/31/becoming-the-introduction/
🌐 Visit: https://jtwb768.com
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